Ten Green Bottles

Collection-of-Green-Glass-BottlesI had ten toes and one has fallen, broken and subsequently been amputated, so I’m currently off work, officially off sick.  I’ve been busy crocheting my way back to recovery, matching patterns and playing with colours.  Tuesday and Wednesday of last week saw the stitches come out, the big reveal, and my foot has changed, the shape and feel….and it’s a challenge to get your head round, its different, there’s a gap, space but with change I have opportunity, to walk without pain or discomfort, to wear shoes that don’t hurt and to get back on my bike and ride.

 So I’m off work and trying not to open emails, but I do (some). I hear echo’s and whispers of projects that continue to grow and impact during my absence, and it feels good (our play about Child Sexual Exploitation (The First Time is Free), along with Rattle Snake and Key Change as they reach out to audiences, communicating and making change during the month of May 2017.  

 Change is afoot, so to speak.  Jill Heslop is leaving us in August of this year, and we’re recruiting.  When someone leaves Open Clasp it’s a massive shift for the team, and not unlike my toe, a gap appears and it can feel a little scary.  Change can feel like a threat or a risk (and don’t get me wrong when Jill talked to me about the possibility of leaving last year it was a blow, I love working with Jill, she is amazing, has been incredible and I love her head, politics and passion) but with this news came Jill’s desire to do a PhD, and then being awarded this at York University, with the focus being with Open Clasp still, so we lose her in one way but gain in another.  

 However this still leaves us with a chasm and in this moment you think ‘how do you replace Jill’ well of course you don’t, like my toe, it’s not possible, as when other members of the team have left in the past, like Sally (our first administrator) then Roma (who was with us for 10yrs) – when people leave and others join, we rely on the strong heart of Open Clasp to keep a steady beat.  We shift our shape, open our door and embrace change – welcome it, learn and continue to grow.  Open Clasp belongs to the North East, I can’t tell you how proud I am of this achievement.  We are nationally recognised, owned by the women we have collaborated with, along with the organisations that have fundraised to support access to the theatre created over the past 18 nearly 19 years. 

 We have great projects coming up. The Space commission will see the company’s work, its process and the products created live streamed across the world.  We have Rattle Snake touring in the Autumn, a play that successfully trained 400 police officers in coercive controlling behaviours in domestic abuse back in 2015. Roses is a play in development, and will be touring next year (a real life mother and daughter performing their story, when prison took the mother away from the daughter and their journey to find each other again).  SUGAR, which previewed earlier this year will be out again next.  Then we have new commissions and plays bubbling, all in need of care as they find their feet. 

 We have a good and healthy culture in Open Clasp. We are collaborative, passionate and we like to laugh.  We are proud and ambitious and we are all looking forward to meeting the next new Creative Producer. 

Oh and yes my foot has changed, the shape and feel but my big toe still sparkles with glitter….

A Snap Chat


My life is happening in snapshots not unlike snapchat, moment/days that swap from the personal to the political/professional, bouncing at speed and demanding responses, lists, resolve and care.

My wife and I bought a house with a garden last September, we’ve been renovating and now, after 22 yrs. of living in our current house, we’re about to move (this weekend).  It has to happen now as on the 24th April I’m having my second to big toe amputated.

My son and wife are the beat that echo’s in my heart and if that beat falters, then I trip, fall, catch and hold, and they to me in return.

After SUGAR’s preview I’d taken time off, spent 14 x days, painting our new house top to bottom – chasing the builders from room to room, sweeping and clearing.

Then last week my first day back I’m on a train to London, we’ve been invited to the launch of CultureUK, we’re speculating why, asking ourselves if we’ve been Green Lit for The Space Commission, that will see us live streaming internationally later this year.  I’m sat at a table reading the brochure and there we are, Green Lit, it’s happening.  I’m sitting in the BBC Radio Theatre, second row to the stage, wearing a yellow band, VIP and (on behalf of Open Clasp) am feeling special, recognised and valued.

Back in Newcastle I’m reading and reacting to responses from our preview of SUGAR, feeling good and hopeful this show will make change happen, has already done so but need to check on our audiences, collaborators, see how everyone faired with its content and the issues raised.

The cast of Key Change are upstairs rehearsing for their three week run at Battersea Arts Centre, they previewed on Friday at Trinity Academy, to an audience 80+ strong, teachers, primary and secondary, a training day, looking at mental health, addiction and abuse – the cast are brilliant, talented, skilled and strong – the impact tangible and the audience share their love of the show and its power to make change happen.  Later the cast look tired, like all actors they juggle jobs, lives, children, money, relationships and relocating.  The staff team, back at the office look tired as does the director, everyone working hard to make sure the show and each other are ok.  The cast/crew/Creative Producer and Director travel down on the Sunday, and WhatsApp tells me everyone is safe, happy and excited to be at Battersea Arts Centre – all is ok.

On Monday night, as the cast prepare to perform Key Change (opening night), back in Newcastle we had our first board meeting of the year, with three new members.  Our agenda is full and exciting. We’re recruiting for a Treasurer, need a Vice Treasurer.  We’re recruiting and considering issues of ethics, finances and the programme of work that takes us to 2022 (if we get reinvestment from the Arts Council).   I leave feel appreciative of the board, their care and distance travelled to support the governance of Open Clasp.

Tuesday, so yesterday I’m at the hospital for my pre-assessment, then picking up a coal house door, cabinets and a quick visit to IKEA (my card’s declined and I leave empty handed), then we, the wife and I find the worktop is to short, there’s chaos, shouting and hugs, more shouting and a bottle of wine drank.

Today I’m back at my desk and WhatsApp, Twitter tell me that Key Change shone last night and received a standing ovation.

Mary, Carly and I talk about my operation, whether I’m going to keep my toe afterwards (which I’m not).

Then my final snapshot is Buster, our lovely yet challenging dog.  He’s doing his Kennel Club Silver Award tonight, which given that to pass he has to be greeted without jumping up, and when training last week with Jill our Creative Producer, he jumped up and bust her nose, he (we) will fail, I’m sure of it…. but it’s the taking part that counts, the training and learning, not the rosette – it’s the change and development of our relationship that matters most, but the rosette would be nice!

My life in a snap chat.

Final blog for SUGAR


Photos by Phyllis Christopher

Its been our final week previewing SUGAR – and a week with diverse audiences, venues…

This morning on our final day, we performed to the women in prison. They had created one of the characters, a storyline that was one of the hardest, but the one in the most need of our audience’s ears.  It was without a doubt emotional, for the women and performers… the Worry Demon about, it’s a powerful piece with hard issues, and it’s based on real life experiences.  We spoke to some of the women who made the piece, heard their pride and read the comments recorded, all saying it was powerful and excellent – but it was too much for some, and this is something for us to reflect upon.

Rewind to last night, Thursday  and we’re in Benwell, at Riverside with 70 women wrapped around the show, all sharing their thoughts… ‘best yet’ and ‘it was so powerful’ and ‘if I knew before it was going to be about childhood sexual abuse I wouldn’t have come but I’m glad I did, and I will speak the truth too’. 

Wednesday our audience was Changing Lives, their workers and women, some our collaborators.  This show was dedicated to one of the women who had helped create Annie.  Post show discussion was once again food to take away.

Tuesday we were at Contact Theatre in Manchester, a matinee and evening performance, audiences full of friends, family, and full of love and support (that’s how it felt).  We also had the general public, other practitioners/actors/artists – we gathered feedback, critiques and support.

We had travelled down to Manchester the night before, on the Monday,  and performed to women from Direct Access hostel (in the hostel) to women who had created Tracy’s story.  This is where the Worry Demon popped up again, I thought it had gone, been banished.  It appeared when Tracy was talking about the agency worker turning her back, her attitude and the stone in the washing machine. I feared a worker was going to get the sack, for supporting the voice of the women, for exposing the need for women to be supported, given a cup of tea and care….but no, management liked/loved it, spot on – maybe the agency worker needs to worry!

This performance, as with the one on Wednesday, was dedicated to one of the women from the project.  We have lost two women on this project – we had asked both where do you see yourselves in five years, one saying she wished her mental health better, another that she could mend things between her and her sister….now no longer with us.

We end tonight with a 90+ strong audience at West End Women & Girls Centre.  Its been a roller coaster of a mini tour, a preview that has asked our audiences to tell us what they liked and what they would like more or less of. It’s been interesting, nerve wracking and brilliant.

The actors have been incredible, the task is not easy, three stories and at the same time one.  I’m really looking forward to this evening, then later reflecting on the feedback and impact.

We tour to celebrate International Women’s Day (last night someone said it wouldn’t be March if Open Clasp wasn’t touring).  SUGAR celebrates strength and reliance, but it also is a Call to Arms for change! 




The Sound of an Audience

International Women’s Day at West End Women & Girls Centre, photo by Phyllis Christopher

SUGAR has been on the road for one week, previewing in venues with diverse audiences.

‘This preview tour is our chance to put a piece in development in front of an audience, to get their feelings on the work and as such is a really special thing! It carries a valuable opportunity to re-examine the piece and our communication around it’ (Laura Lindow, Associate Director with Open Clasp and SUGAR).

And we have been listening to the sound of an audience.  On Monday as we sat down to watch the show it was clear that, in the words of SUGAR’s director Laura Lindow, the ‘Worry Demon’ had joined us.  We’d decided to light up the room, unknowingly exposing the audience, leaving no shadows or dark corners to hide or step back into (we thought it was warm and inclusive).  The sound of the audience on Monday was still.  The Worry Demon, cuddled up close, joined the actors on stage and followed us to the hall were the post show discussion was being held.  There the Worry Demon left us, and we heard the audience comments; that the show was really powerful, stories that need to be told, but not with the big light on, give me shadows, allow elbow room and debate about the need and/or role of trigger warnings in theatre, and in universities.  Interesting, and food to take away.  We joined the cast, and read the comments; excellent theatre, powerful, beautiful, we travelled home through the dark roads back to Newcastle, but the Worry Demon joined us again, sat in the back, legs up on the seat.

Tuesday we were at the West End Women & Girls Centre, now a theatre venue, open to the public.  We took advantage of the in-house lighting rig, joining our lights and invited shadows and corners.  The audience poured in and we nervously listened again to the sound of the audience, we heard laughter, tears and empathy.  People stayed behind, gave us their thoughts, wrote down the comments, and again, in the main we heard its power, the need for our ears to be open, its beauty and the song it sang.  89% of the feedback said it was excellent, same as Monday, majority shouted about SUGAR’s power and beauty.  One said good but thought it was like Key Change.  SUGAR does have echoes of Key Change, a previous show set in a women’s prison – we wanted to include the sound of the prison, as we had returned there, worked with other women, and it felt right to echo… but SUGAR is so unlike any show the company has done before, not calculated but in response to the scripts written, written in response to the women we worked with.  We have three shows in one, with song, for us it’s a huge step away.

Wednesday, still at the West End Women & Girls Centre, but this show is for the women in the local community, and at 7pm they poured through the doors.  Open Clasp is their company, they come and take their seats, fill the Mrs Robinson Hall… women who don’t ordinarily see theatre, but they come for Open Clasp.  Also in the room is women who collaborated on the show.  At first the Worry Demon is nowhere to be seen, we’re on home turf, they will love it, hard issues but they will.  The lights dimmed, and the names lit up and we listened.  Silence.  In that silence the Worry Demon took its seat.  In Act Two a phone went off, in the moment when it was the worst sound to hear, the woman searching in her bag, desperate to turn it off, shouting to her daughter to come and get her phone, to turn the sound of music off –  she shouts her apologies to the actor on stage, the actor waits, its ok, this isn’t about other, the actors and the audience are together, sharing stories about us, we can wait.  I loved this moment, everyone is taking care of the piece, the actors, director (assistant to the director), producer, stage manager, staff team and this audience member, I just loved this moment.

The show ended and we let a breath out and listened to their thoughts on the show, we again heard its power, opinions on trigger warnings, its order and need.  There were tears, and the Worry Demon interrupts conversations, points to audience members who are drying their eyes.  After the audience left, we dissected the show, response and sound.  The Worry Demon poured our drinks, and we drank.

Thursday – we’re in Durham, at Aspire, a women’s project (formerly Bridge) who like West End Women have hosted Open Clasp shows since 1998.  A lovely venue (rewind to the NHS march to London, this venue hosted those marchers (included my lovely son) in the same room and now we get SUGAR ready for a 70 strong audience.  The workers have prepared for this (we’ve sent them emails explaining the issues), they have Listeners in the audience and a Drop In the next day.

We listen again, we hear a big heart, support and laughter.  The audience loved it (maybe not the swearing) but they heard its song and embraced it.  During the post show we heard the need for change, for these voices to be heard, the talent of the actors, the beauty of the piece.  Jan Vincent, a woman I so respect talked to me at the end, she told me to stop worrying that its not too much, that its right and to be proud of the work, show… she took the Worry Demon and told it to leave, and it did, from this moment, this (our fourth show) the Worry Demon left the building.

Friday – we’re at Live Theatre, again this is home turf, we’ve performed here since the beginning and its sold out (both nights and the matinee).  Laura, Jill, Kate and the cast get the Full Monty… beautiful lights, sound and the black brick walls that surround the stage and hold SUGAR so it can shimmer and sparkle.

Tonight one of our women from Low Newton prison is travelling four hours to join us for the show and post show. She’s travelling with her sister, who hasn’t read the script. The characters on stage represent a collective voice, they are fictional but based on real life stories, and hers is in there – like Julie, her goal is to not drink, or do drugs, to walk past a pub. We sit together in the dark and watch the show, I hear her tears, and that of her sister.  Her real life is hard, and she sees it played out on stage.  She so emotional afterwards and doesn’t know why, but she can see her life’s been hard and tough, she likes what she sees, later her sister says that being part of this has helped save her. All of us tell her that when we met her in prison, we could see her sparkle, energy and drive and so hoped she would make contact when she got out and she did. She liked a post on Facebook, and we saw her connect with us, and now she was in Newcastle, watching the show she helped make, seeing her life story on stage and it has helped, she says.  Its an honour to have her on stage with us during the post show, and she had been nervous that the audience might ask about her crime but the audience want to hear about the process, its impact, what’s next, they are supportive and embracing of the show, company and the collaborators/women we work with.  We want to work with her, stay in contact, even make a show, about her and her mam, mirroring another show we’re doing with a collaborator from Key Change.

We go home happy, confident and awake.  Its special the show, we can feel it, know it now.

Saturday – the matinee and evening performance, the sound of the audience is velvet.  Someone said that at the end, when the audience are clapping they are still knocked by the power of the piece, that they are clapping but trying to recovery still but they want to be on their feet, but they can’t stand, not just yet.  There is a need for time to process, but have a huge appreciation of the work on stage, of the company and its place in the region to tell these stories to make powerful theatre, and to make the region proud, not just locally but nationally.

Today is the first day of the second week, and we’re heading to Manchester, taking the show into the women’s hostel tonight, then sitting together with the women, our post show a meal cooked by dedicated workers from the top ten.  Tomorrow we’re at Contact Theatre, and then back to the North East, ending with our final show at West End Women and Girls Centre again on Friday (St Patricks Day) a performance that’s is open to the public.

I am so very proud of SUGAR,  it took courage to make, from the women in prison to the theatre you see on stage, but we did it, named it and the sound you hear is political.

‘We’re looking forward to moving the work forward – taking the piece apart and putting back together. Perhaps it will feel similar to this present guise, perhaps different. When the dust settles we hope to see it, what it is, has been, and where to take it next’ (Laura Lindow).

Raindrops and Rainbows


Lines learnt, songs sang, guests and big stories to tell, done beautifully. 

This is our final week and its Thursday morning, day four – tomorrow we dress, and Saturday is the final day before SUGAR is previewed in the North East and Manchester. 

Monday we were joined by Tricia Duffy from Direct Access, a women’s hostel in Manchester providing emergency accommodation for 33 women who are homeless.  Tuesday by one of our lovely Patrons Charlie Hardwick, Wednesday by women who have collaborated on the show and Friday will be a handful of guests to see the final show before SUGAR goes on the road on Monday.  The week also included an outing to probation, no longer run at the women’s centre, now held at the old coroner’s court in town.

Things we know, the stories are truthful, powerful and have potential to trigger thought, emotion and empathy.  We know that when the cast sing, our hearts melt and break.  What we also got a glimpse of this week is how SUGAR may impact on audiences.  The guests were diverse but all shared tears, knowledge and hope, hope that this piece of theatre will change lives.

We are looking at hard issues, because during the workshops the women did. They named it/them and we stand in solidarity with these women to name/make visible and ensure that we (society) consider why we have perpetrators of sexual violence and rape, childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence –  standing with others to break the silence and shine a light on the shadows – NAME AND CHANGE IT – SOCIETY!

SUGAR argues for alternatives for women to prison, argues for better provision of care/support for those released  from prison and it also argues for prevention, for a better world, for our eyes to be open and to see.

“I was always going to end up in here (prison), Crashing, But not this time, The shame is His, Theirs, And not mine”. 

When collaborating with the women in the three groups, those in prison, in emergency accommodation and on probation, we witnessed resilience, strength, courage and hope.

What we don’t know is how it will be received by our audiences, but I think we have something with SUGAR, it holds the voices of women who are heroes in their own struggle to survive, its political in its argument for change, and its angry at injustice to all those who experience harm, hurt and hate.


Walking at dusk – SUGAR rehearsals Week 2


Monday and outside the country’s protesting and parliament’s debating Trump and Brexit.  We gather in the rehearsal room upstairs at West End Women & Girls Centre. We talk about the ways in which people gather and protest, echo chambers and the role Open Clasp plays in making change happen – this is something we all witness during the process to create the work, collaborating with the women, in prison, on probation and in hostels (for SUGAR) and then during the tours, through post show discussion and workshops make space for debate and  call to arms, for action and change.

Wednesday we have a guest – one of the women we collaborated with in Low Newton (now released and living in a hostel) travelled four hours by train to join us in rehearsals. Her input key to the truth in the story telling.

We met at the train station, met with the staff team, walked around the park, showed off the women’s centre then joined Laura and the cast.

We shared the scenes, beautiful songs and all our hopes for the piece.   We learnt that for this woman, being honest is key to surviving life on the outside, telling people her story, the truth and moving forward.  One of the things she likes about being outside is walking, at dusk as night falls.  She tells us, this is her last chance, if she falls again, goes back to jail, she won’t get the support she’s getting now; that this moment is hers to seize.

She shares her biggest fear, of time and it slipping through her fingers.  She’s changed, is grateful to Low Newton, the support and the opportunity to change, and she’s grasping it with both hands.  She’s proud of SUGAR, has shared the script with probation, staff and her family, and she should be, its powerful and will impact on audiences, communities both in prison and on the outside.

We were so very honoured to have her in the room with us, a total privilege and we look forward to her joining us up on stage at Live Theatre on the 10th March  where SUGAR, in first stage development will be previewed.

The Haircut, Coffee and Sugar


First blog of 2017 and its about SUGAR our new show to be previewed in March.

It’s a first stage development production, which means just that, its in its first stages of development.

Who is the cast? We have the brilliant Zoe Lambert, Kylie Ann Ford and Christina Dawson. The lovely and extremely talented Laura Lindow is the director, Katie Doherty is working with Laura on the song that lies within the piece and Emily Harrison is the Assistant to the Director. The utterly exceptional Jill Heslop is Creative Producer for the project and next week we will be joined by the lovely Kate McCheyne (Stage Manager), as well as two of the women we collaborated with on the piece, one woman from Low Newton prison (out now) and the other from the women’s hub (supporting women on probation). I think that’s everyone.

So the story so far…

Laura and I spent the weekend prior to rehearsals emailing, back and forth with edits and amendments to the script in preparation for Day One.

Day One – We enter the rehearsal room at West End Women & Girls Centre and the very lovely Mary Wilson (our administrator) has put on a spread of cakes and treats, the aroma of coffee and the sound of laughter fills the room – it was a good start.

Laura introduces the project and together we speak about the workshops and the collaborators who are key to the storytelling of SUGAR. The actors look, listen and ask questions. There is a lot to communicate and take in.

Pencils are given out, Laura says ‘right lets read the script’ and stabs herself in the hand with a very sharp pencil. I’m the first aider – rewind – during the introductions I’ve told the story of how I’m a little Catherine Tate when I see injuries, but I’m alright with this one, I’ve got it – Emily reassures me that pencils are no longer made of lead, its granite now and its fine. Laura washes her hand, I bandage it and a sling is sent for (kidding)!

Ok so what happened on day one

I’m always nervous, doesn’t matter if the feedback for the script is good, I’m nervous and at times paranoid. I know the feeling, have felt it before and I’m confident it will pass, want to fast forward to that moment when everyone is happy with the script and it enables the room to flood with creativity and ideas, not got stuck in pot holes and puddles.

The script is read, and games are played. In the afternoon questions are asked and we return to the script and then its home time. Wine is needed!

Day Two – much better. I wake at 6am and start to edit, I like the hair cut the script is getting, am enjoying combing through, being brave in the cuts and wanting to ensure the finish is of top quality. We have one actor today, but that’s OK as SUGAR is a story of three and at the same time one. We spend the morning with a character called Tracy, and we’re transformed back to the hostel in Manchester to the women we met, tears and laughter, along with plates of hot food. It’s a good morning.

In the afternoon, I go back to my desk and phone. I speak to the woman who’s been released from Low Newton, we’re trying to get her up for the performance at Live Theatre, to join the panel, but we need to cross some T’s and dot some I’s first. Laura is joined by Katie, and the song in the piece is heard for the first time… its exciting, so very exciting.

Later Laura and I go over the timeline of one of the characters Julie, we rewind, fast forward and then see a gap. In the edits a vital piece of the story has gone, is missed. I find the line, words and this morning Day Three I’m more than pleased with the save made.

Day Three – We’re sharing two of the actors with another show, so today I’ve been back on script, the final, final edits (for now), Laura’s at home and sometimes on the phone, email, talking with Jill, finding answers, ideas and opportunities. All heads are buzzing and whirring.

Tomorrow is day four and the song of the piece will be unleashed.